Thoughts

The lithium crazed ex-fiasco referred to himself as “a beast that can think”. I am almost completely sure that among the other irrelevant toxicities; he was not thinking of anything other than cigarettes and vikings when he stated this. However, this totally anonymous person may have a valid point. Epiphany: Humans are creatures of apathy and self gratification. Please understand. I have spent lonely 3 am type hours in church parking lots praying for God to numb my thoughts. I have tried time and time again to strangle the darkness within my skull. I have screamed on raspy lungs for a miracle to make my mind shut the fuck up. I once cried in total frustration because I did not win the lottery. I cried because I wanted nothing more than leave this fucking town and that lottery ticket would have bought me a train to new york. I've had friends abandon me when I most needed them... I've had myself and the night.

If I have discovered anything from people is that we are never as we seem. The angry red-necked fuck that cut me off on the road today could of lost his wife. He could of just encountered some devastating personal tragedy and that was why he was so rushed and bitter. He also may be a French immigrant and giving me the finger was his way of saying hello. Clearly; I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Clearly; not everyone thinks about why that man was such an asshole. I almost congratulate the majority of people who do not dwell on things as trivial as this. Part of me wishes to be you. Part of me hates you for being so naive. I almost wish this world would show more mercy to each other. I almost wish I could get over myself.

I refuse to become mindless. I cannot just simply exist and die. I believe not thinking about rednecks and other world atrocities would be lazy on my part. Maybe what separates me from what I loathe is nothing at all. I am a denied product of social distance. I am from the same breed of people that brought forth Hitler and Mother Teresa. In the same breath... I am good and evil and Humanity has formed me to be this way. I believe we are only as good as the fingerprint we leave on each other. We are only as good as our thoughts. Let's think this one through.