I never really evaluated my influence of 9/11. I was young and naive in September 2001. However, The mention of it haunts to this day. It appears everywhere, predominantly in my writing. I associate it with a unsatiable loss, not just for Americans but for humanity in general. The thought of people forgetting about it terrifies me.

Here is a man who dared to leave his living room on that day. While people were running over the Verrazano, Joe Picurro drove to face the evil lower Manhattan and not be paralyzed by fear. For this he is a hero.

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2010/10/16/2010-10-16_911_iron_man_dies_brave_ground_zero_volunteer_felled_by_illness_from_the_pit.html

I believe that true instances of humanity are shown in the darkest of times. This man is just about a martyr for what her did and his life is lost. So quite frankly, I am growing very very annoyed with the media. And as of late, I am sick of hearing about Bill O Riley and some dumb comments he made on The View. I am sick of hearing about political bullshit. Everyone has their own agenda.

Why isn't more attention drawn to people like this? That's what America should be talking about.

so

And so I haven't posted anything in a great amount of time. Not that anything revolutionary has happened in the course of events since June.

Up in New Brunswick a boy has jumped off a bridge within the past 2 weeks. His roomates recorded a video him having sex with another man. And all the gay right's activists are crying about homicides and hate crimes... obnoxiously, i might add. I think the problem is that people just don't realize the consequences of their actions. This Tuesday, I heard an awesome quote about people just being kind to one another and how if more people were simply kind things like this just would not happen. I don't know how true that is. But why kill the magic?

You don't know what goes in other people's lives. A smile should never be devalued under any circumstances. And maybe if people did smile more suicides just wouldn't occur. Wishful thinking.

The statistic is that 1 person kills themselves every 18 minutes.

It takes .5 seconds to say hello to another human being.

The average mother goes through some 15 to 24 hours of labor to bring a baby into this world.

There are plenty of people within this world that love you. Whether you realize it or not.

All it takes is 5 minutes to make a permanent decision to end your life.

It's never as bad as it seems. I promise.

http://www.hopeline.com/

tales from register 1

My job brings me closer to God. It's the simple act of waking up in the morning and putting on that ridiculous orange shirt. It's the simple act of human contact and letting your grandma yell at me for 5 minutes straight because her coupon has been expired since 1987. It's simple act of smiling and nodding politely and praying that she doesn't get run over in the parking lot for being such an unreasonable bitch.

Nana and I used to watch a sitcom called Joan of Arcadia on Fridays. It starred the girl from the Traveling Pants movies. Ever since that show went off air; that girl vanished from the prime time television. Maybe she will pop up sooner or later in some crappy lifetime flick. Give her about 10 more years and a few cesarean sections. The whole concept of Joan of Arcadia was that God would appear to her human form as some random stranger. One week it would be the desperate locker room victim of the high school football team; the next it would be the homeless junkie who has a knife to your mom's throat. The show was unusually deep theme for 2003... a time when everyone was so crazed in the whole jihadist weapons of mass destruction war on terror let's bomb people fiasco. Perhaps a sense of empathy was exactly what this country needed at that point in time. It's a absolute shame that religious tuned anthems are voided from our television sets only to be replaced by MTV fist pumping induced garbage. Apparently, teenagers that talk to God are just not cool enough for modern America.

However, I hold this crazy belief that no one is truly alone in this world. It is important never to take any kindness for granted because we simply do not know what goes on in the lives of others. Everyone goes through so much in their lives. So much that other people do not see. We become so self obsessed and personal. We become totally ignorant to one another. We forget this even in the most casual conversation. Perfect example. I was ringing up a man's lunch the other day. He had that typical senior citizen look to his face. The kind that comes in the form of wrinkles and the so assumed World War II veteran outlook. His jaw line sagged with bitterness. He looked so particularly miserable and seniorish that I assumed he was just being a typical rude old man. Angry and thinking the world owes him something. So upon parting with this grump, I told him in the most obnoxious blatant manner to have an utterly phenomenal day. He told me was just diagnosed cancer. I always choke on irony. And my words.

9/11

Around this time of year, I rethink everything I know about God and airplanes. I think pensively of the evils of the world and what it means to be human. I think of society and where I stand among billions and billions of other people in this world. In September of 2001, I was 13 and stupid. I did not care about humanity. 13 year old girls can't really comprehend concepts above their own petty bullshit. I do not care about how smart you think your child is... teenagers are comprised predominantly of two things: a vanity mirror and ignorance. This phrase holds true for 98.5 percent of adolescents. I was among the ignorance of this world on that Tuesday in September. I went to Catholic school and was instilled with the pressing fear of irrelevant things such as not being popular and homosexuality. I was so involved within myself that I did not realize how many people did not come home from work that day. I did not realize that hatred went far beyond my feelings for the varsity cheer leading squad. Worst of all, I can't say I really cared about all this. I just didn't care at all.

God works in strange ways.... But how do you tell someone who has lost a father that? How does a generation forget so quickly about tragedy? How do you tell a child about the evils that exist in this world? These are questions I will ask myself as I will conform to the news tomorrow. To be honest; I spend most of 9/11 crying my eyes out and being kind to every living thing I come in contact with. People have forgotten basic things such as that. We all get so wound up in petty ideals. Whether you are liberal or conservative is irrelevant to being an American and Whether you are an American is irrelevant to being a human being. Why are we dividing ourselves deeper? Let's just exist.

Thoughts

The lithium crazed ex-fiasco referred to himself as “a beast that can think”. I am almost completely sure that among the other irrelevant toxicities; he was not thinking of anything other than cigarettes and vikings when he stated this. However, this totally anonymous person may have a valid point. Epiphany: Humans are creatures of apathy and self gratification. Please understand. I have spent lonely 3 am type hours in church parking lots praying for God to numb my thoughts. I have tried time and time again to strangle the darkness within my skull. I have screamed on raspy lungs for a miracle to make my mind shut the fuck up. I once cried in total frustration because I did not win the lottery. I cried because I wanted nothing more than leave this fucking town and that lottery ticket would have bought me a train to new york. I've had friends abandon me when I most needed them... I've had myself and the night.

If I have discovered anything from people is that we are never as we seem. The angry red-necked fuck that cut me off on the road today could of lost his wife. He could of just encountered some devastating personal tragedy and that was why he was so rushed and bitter. He also may be a French immigrant and giving me the finger was his way of saying hello. Clearly; I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Clearly; not everyone thinks about why that man was such an asshole. I almost congratulate the majority of people who do not dwell on things as trivial as this. Part of me wishes to be you. Part of me hates you for being so naive. I almost wish this world would show more mercy to each other. I almost wish I could get over myself.

I refuse to become mindless. I cannot just simply exist and die. I believe not thinking about rednecks and other world atrocities would be lazy on my part. Maybe what separates me from what I loathe is nothing at all. I am a denied product of social distance. I am from the same breed of people that brought forth Hitler and Mother Teresa. In the same breath... I am good and evil and Humanity has formed me to be this way. I believe we are only as good as the fingerprint we leave on each other. We are only as good as our thoughts. Let's think this one through.

Analysis of a Trend

To be blunt: I find it sickening that peace has become such an mass produced thing. I refuse to even call it a concept anymore because things like concepts require some degree of thought. No. Everywhere I look there is a peace sign; clothing stores, networking sites, tattoos. This is for all the facebook loving, pot smoking, naive communist youth that worship the peace symbol. You teen hipsters are no more original than the overgeneralized media you hate so much. The peace symbol has become something like a coach purse for wanna bes. Even the tweenies eat this crap up like a shake on the dollar menu. In order to have some degree of human intellect you must have fully developed first. I am a firm believer that 13 year old girls who do not have breasts yet should not front peace signs. My sincere apologies to all the honor child soccer moms but your 11 year old IS stupid.

As for those who have grown beyond the prepubescent drama. I have one simple phrase for you: Put down the pipe and pick up a book. There is more to peace than Victoria's Secret hoodies, dreadlocks, and tie-dye. Since you guys have no problem binging on over processed media bullshit; Here is some interesting facts to add to the cuisine. Bon Apetit.

1) The peace sign was made by a English dude named Gerard Holtom in 1958. Mr. Holtom was an artist with a college degree. It is unknown whether or not he abused illicit substances. Usually, people who do heroin have a bit of trouble getting into Harvard.

2) It was created for a organization known the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament. This around the time everyone was scared of various threats such as bombs, homosexuals, and Communism. ( Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament. August 1, 2009 <http://www.cnduk.org/index.php/information/info-sheets/the-history-of-cnd.html> )

3) Gerard Holtom was a Christian. Before he drew up his finished symbol; He actually contemplated using the cross as part of his design but the church disapproved. (they would.)

4) Gerard Holtom was also a pacifist. A pah-see-fist is someone who opposes war and violence and generally; things that make little children cry.

5) The peace symbol came to America right away. It is most a associated with the 1960's make-love-not war-or-eat-meat saga. (duh.)

6) There is rumors that the peace sign has a satanic or anti-christian representation. This propaganda has been disproved by specific interviews with Holtom himself. ( I guess he wasn't a Hot Topic fan. )

7) The peace symbol is not copyrighted. This means that ANYONE can have access to it or in most cases, butcher it. I repeat: You cannot get sued for downloading the peace symbol from the internet. Indeed. You had better stop downloading pornography and start downloading universal concepts. It is specifically not copyrighted for the sake that peace is supposed to be a kind of “freedom and prosperity for all” ideal. It is most unfortunate that it is instead used as a trademarked kind of cocaine for an uneducated society. All the Nuclear Disarmament Campaign asks is that the commercial users (the big fat ugly CEO's of million dollar companies) perhaps give them a donation. Yeah. Right. ("The origins of the peace symbol". August 1, 2009)

This is just one of the examples of how good ideas get distorted. People just say... “Hey man. That looks cool. I want it.” It simply doesn't matter if you don't know anything about peace studies or any history behind what that symbol stands for. It is really disheartening that people who cannot even spell words properly exploit peace for the sake of fashion. In conclusion: We live in a culture that rapes the meaning out everything... No matter how important it is.